Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
