You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
