i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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