Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sorry about my life...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
