Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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