I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize