Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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