Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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