I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
