I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Alive.
So much puke
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The adults are the big ones right?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize