Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize