That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
