I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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