last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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