when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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