you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize