some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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