Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
