Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
