two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
