Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
