So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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