She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
