What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
