This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
