Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I think I won the penis lottery.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Couch. On fire.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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