I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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