Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
