My nipple is on Facebook.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
