Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
