how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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