Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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