Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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