Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
