So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
