you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
