I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
