I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
