It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
