I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
