I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
