..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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