I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
