In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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