Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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