You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
