I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
