Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
