I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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