why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Panties = found
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
