i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
