Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
