We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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