Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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