You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
