if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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