Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
