guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
