I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
