There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
