Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
