I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
