I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize