you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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