Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
