so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
