Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
