Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The beer is more important than you right now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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