i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
