I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
