she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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