**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Your penis caused this!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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