i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
